Kotae doko ni mo nai
by witchfingers
Summary: As he had foretold, the search for the answer only led me to suffering. Even so, I never forgot those young years of my life, in which I still believed in the truth... IzumixEnvy [preSieg]...
1. Tabiji

**Kotae doko ni mo nai.**

Disclaimer: _I don't own FMA_

Pairings: _IzumixEnvy (pre-Sieg)... don't like... don't read?_

Note: _I am totally against mixing Japanese with English (especially when the author -like me- knows close to nothing of Jap.)... but I figured I could try it out, since it appeared to be so cute _

Note2: _The story's gonna have 3 chappies. No more no less._

**Chapter one: Tabiji

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_Ima, sekai wo hate o mezasu tabiji e_

I came across him one day, just by chance.

Back then I searched for the way to make the impossible come true. Back then, I searched for the ultimate answer, to all of the questions. And in that constant search, that constant process, I met him.

The difference of ages between him and Sensei, who was apparently his mother, was curious. In the first instant our eyes met, they locked, and I felt suddenly cold. His eyes, even warm, seemed calculating, cunning. There was something about him that wasn't exactly _natural_. But back then, what could I have known? The truth is that I was captivated by his extremely _golden_ eyes.

After that, even if training lessons with Sensei were physically and mentally exhausting, I always managed to squeeze in some time to go and talk to him. Not because he was cute -which he was, and in _excess_-, but because he was probably the most intelligent, realistic person I had ever met. Even more than Sensei, if that was possible.

"To have a strong mind you need a strong body", he sometimes said. I still quote him today, even when the memory of him brings pain to my heart. Even being what in the end I found out he was didn't keep him from the wisdom.

I'm not going to deny that it was with him I learnt the value of true strenght- he was the ultimate expert in word-games, and in hand-to-hand combat. Back in those days... I could spend hours trying to hit him, without causing him the slightest scratch. He was the master in dodging backwards. And in turning phrases into weapons.

That was probably what made him relate in some way to Sensei. They could both give a dangerous edge to words...

And even so, his company didn't awake in me any feeling of self-achievement.

Instead of helping me find the answer...

He subtly, slyly, induced me into new questions I'd never have thought of asking.

And that was how the journey to the end of the world began...

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Ima, sekai wo hate o mezasu tabiji e **(Now, to a journey that aims at the end of the world)**

_(From the song 'Tamashii Kasanete')_

**Hey, my Japanese is quite sucky. If you are an understood in the language, you could always message me and correct me... (Note: correction from amateur people like me pretending to know it all are... kinda annoying. Please if you correct be totally sure! Pweeeease?)**


	2. Sagashi tsuzukeru

**Chapter two: Sagashi-tsuzukeru

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_Mou zuibun to tachitsukushite mita kedo, tabun kotae wa nai no darou..._

I never knew his name. But now I realize that perhaps he didn't have one. One that could be morally accepted, I mean.

I recall one sunset, after a particularly frustrating session of training. If it could be called so. I was leaning my palms on my knees, trying to regain my breath, almost standing on a pool of my own sweat, while he was as fresh as a cucumber, without much more than a hair out of place. Enough said.

Narrowing my eyes I regained my posture, staring off at him, as his own too gold eyes drifted to the twilight. I sighed. "We're not getting anywhere."

He cocked an eyebrow, and his lips lifted into a faint smile. "Wrong. _You're _not getting anywhere."

"What do you mean?" I asked, annoyed at his arrogance.

"The answer." he stated simply, diverting his gaze from the view, to stare into my eyes, probing me. "have you found it?". He wasn't smiling.

"You know very well I haven't."

He shrunk his shoulders, as if to say that he was insensitive towards the overflowing tension between us. He didn't speak again.

"I don't know your name."

He lifted upwards the ends of his lips, once more. "You don't need to. Things are fine the way they are, and you shouldn't try to change them. Or..." after threatening to do so for a while, he grinned. "Do you want to?"

I remember closing my eyes and staying silent.

And asking Sensei about him the following day.

She said something about a grave in the furthest point of the garden. I shivered. Because she said, dryly, clearly, that she didn't have a son...

Who was alive.

But back then, I still kept searching for the answer... Even if bit by bit I was starting to realize, that just like a journey to the end of the world, the search for the answer would take me more than a lifetime.

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Mou zuibun to tachitsukushite mita kedo, tabun kotae wa nai no darou...

**(I've already tried to keep standing many times, but that's probably not the answer, right?)**

_(From the song 'Melissa')_

**Hey, perhaps you'd like to take into consideration REVIEWING, right? >>**


	3. Kotae

**Chapter three: Kotae

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_Boku wa imademo kotae no sagashiteru... demo... kotae koko ni wa nai._

To be frank I don't remember the name in the grave.

But I kept on meeting him anyway, that same day, and the day after day and so on, never mentioning anything about my talk with Sensei.

He was her son. I knew it.

He'd _told_ me so, once. Why Sensei denyed it appeared to my younger self as a family conflict. Giving that he still lived in her house. I naivelly figured that they had had some sort of quarrell.

But my search for the knowledge, for the _answer_, was by far more important than him... Even if after such a long time he'd already become a part of that search.

In my own struggle for the truth I ended up asking him his name, again. Even if it's something I could feel sorry for, I don't regret it. "The search for the answer will lead you to suffering." He said, his perfect gold eyes becoming violet right before me. "But suffering is attached to life, don't you think?"

His lips traced a smile.

"Seven feelings are a taboo to your kind." he said, and so, his immaculate light hair turned into a dark shade of green. "You feel Envy when you think of those who found their answer." he said, smiling, at the time his now pale, bony hand raised to point at himself gently.

"And you will feel Wrath when you find it at last."

I didn't understand it back then. But now I do, and I wonder, how he could have known. With a last smile, under that new appearance, his body emitted a glow. I saw him for the final time as a bird that flew off into the twilight. I called.

He didn't reply.

As he had foretold, the search for the answer only led me to suffering. Even so, I never forgot those young years of my life, in which I still believed in the truth.

The answer? I never learnt it from him.

_Toikakete, sagashite mitemo, kotae doko ni mo nai

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_Boku wa imademo kotae no sagashiteru... demo... kotae koko ni wa nai. _(I am searching for the answer even now... but... the answer isn't here.)

_Toikakete, sagashite mitemo, kotae doko ni mo nai _(Even if I tried to ask or search for it, the answer wouldn't exist anywhere.)

_(From the song 'Boku wa koko ni iru')_

**OK! This is by far my greatest success. Hehe. No single review, for three chappies! WOW!... No, really. Just a "this sucks" will do. I need to know! Even if this was the last part >>**


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